Long post alert—confessions of a Monday Morning Maniacal Mama!
This morning was not unlike most other Mondays—-missing the early and late alarm, rushing to get breakfast cooked and lunch prepared because last night was too chaotic to plan in advance, trying to find clean shorts for the kids, delivering seven thousand reminders to the kids to brush their teeth, feeding the dog and cleaning up rubber parts from my flip-flop that he ate as an appetizer, and oh yes, taking a sip of cold coffee and watching it spill down my freshly laundered white blouse ??♀️
As we rush to the car, and jump in and make our way out of the driveway, I accidentally knocked over my son’s lunchbox and spilled his food all over the floor of the car. It was one of those moments that caused everyone to get silent. I believe the radio may even have gone silent. I burst into tears and started to yell, initially blaming the kids for being late and causing me to rush and frantically drive and thus causing the food to spill. Then blaming the dog. Then blaming myself. Then just crying.
But then, the magic happened. I caught myself mid-tantrum. I stopped yelling. I took three cleansing breaths, closed my eyes, put my hands on my heart, and offered myself love, compassion, and kindness.
Upon opening my eyes, I looked In The rearview mirror at the faces of my boys who were watching both my meltdown and my recovery with bated breath. I replied, “ugh, I’m sorry. I think I could have handled that differently. Can I try again?” To which they both replied, “Of course mommy.” Taking their permission, I responded -instead of reacted-to the spilled food. “Bummer. That stinks. Let me pick it up and I’ll have to get some new food for you. I’m disappointed and frustrated. But it was an accident, and accidents happen. Wow, I guess it’s just another manic Monday after all,” to which the three of us laughed and then began singing the tune together as we made our way to camp.
My kids see me cry…a lot. And that’s ok. In fact, it’s good. They get to see an authentic mother who doesn’t pretend to have it all together. Who doesn’t demand perfection of herself? In doing so, I give them permission to be human. And when I mess up, I own it. I call myself out on it lovingly and with self-compassion so that I can model that for them.
The world doesn’t need more maniacally perfection-driven people. The world needs conscious people—people who are awake, alert, and aware of the inner workings of their mind, body, and spirit so they can evolve for their highest good and the good of the world around them.
I can’t say that every rupture is repaired with as much ease as today’s was. But what I can guarantee is that I will always try. I will always be honest with my kids. I will always show them an authentic mother who owns her mistakes and stands in her truth unapologetically with love and compassion.
My hope is that my boys will one day do the same for themselves, and encourage and support that in their relationships. ❤️