Presence

Awesome Rewild for Wellness class last night as we discussed Presence—what it really is vs. the hype that’s out there, and how to use presence to uplevel your life.

SO MUCH WISDOM was shared. Here is a brief gist:

In true presence—the state of ‘being’ in neutrality, We release the self-created afflictions of, and identifications with, personality, pain, and problems and instead recognize that who we are is so much more than what we have been led to believe. All expectations, limiting narratives, wishes, wants, resistances, are shed. With the veil of illusion removed, we can stand tall as our true selves who only know peace, joy, and unconditional love.

As you bear witness to your life in this way, as you show up for each moment truly and authentically, you are upleveled in every way.

Life as you know it becomes forever changed.

Sounds amazing right? To think that reaching enlightenment is so simple?

Well yes—

Yes it sounds amazing!

And yes it’s simple!

But is it always easy? Not so much.

This morning I experienced my own personal challenge with presence.

You see, I have been nursing a severe bilateral SI joint injury (affects the low back/hip flexors/pelvis/hamstrings) so I have been unable to workout in the gym for the past 6 months.

Thankfully, with the power of ancestral healing, bioenegetics and energy medicine, and amazing teachers and guides who have supported me through this, I am feeling so much better.

I decided to go to the gym today. As I pulled in to the parking lot, I immediately felt a wave of what my brain interpreted as anxiety come over me. In my body my chest felt heavy, my hands were shaking, my back went into immediate contraction. I should have stayed there in that moment, closed my eyes and brought all of my awareness to the sensations happening in that moment, knowing it was just energy, and interrupting my brains interpretation and creation of narratives. But I didn’t.

I raced out of the car, into the gym, and grabbed my spot on the floor, dumbbells lined up at my side, and attentive to the description of days circuit, and ready to rock. As I grabbed the heaviest weight and started to move, I immediately sensed tension in my muscles. I felt my back tight and contracted. And rather than stay there and witness the sensations, I left the moment, allowed my mind to take over, and I was inundated with narratives about what was happening.

I’m so weak! I’m such a failure! I’m too fat! My days of being strong and fit are over! I can’t do this! In the past I would have lifted triple this weight! I need to figure out what to do to make myself stronger!

My mind went on incessantly and I bought in to the drama, created problems, resisted the reality of the situation, judged myself mercilessly, and suddenly I was in a puddle of tears on the gym floor.

Thankfully, years of doing my inner work-outs helped me to very quickly realize what was happening so I could help myself fast.

I dropped the weights, got down on the floor, moved into Childs pose, allowed my tears to flow, I tuned in to my body in the moment, observed sensations, allowed them to be there…resisted none of it, let go of trying to change my situation, stopped trying to stop thinking, and instead just stayed…

And stayed…

Until I reached a point in which I was no longer a participant in the drama of my mind. I was simply a witness to an experience. And a neutral witness, at that.

In that moment of completely present neutrality, I not only accepted what was happening, surrendered to it, released all resistance, and restored flow, I was able to stand up, in my truth, liberated, and in a state of joy. The music invited my soul to sing and dance, and I did.

(And I did some deadlifts, lunges, bicep curls, and reverse crunches, too!)

Each moment was just as it was. And I was in a state of complete neutrality. No judgements. No intensity. No false excitement. No frustration. No comparisons. No rumination over the past. No pessimissm or optimismfor the future. Just the peace and unconditional love for myself that comes from truly being in the here and now, as if I chose that very experience.

Thank you to Claudia Di Bona Pacifico for creating a safe container for my tears and my presence practice, and for a kick-ass music playlist! And oh yeah, for my jelly-arms that can barely allow me to type this post! I love you endlessly, my friend.